If

If I lived in Laguna Beach, I would weigh 30 pounds less. Partly because I'd use up a fair amount of calories jogging on the beach daily. Partly because I'd have to park a half mile away from my destination (dang tourists) and so I'd be walking on errands. And my daily walks to visit friends would involve hillsides and stairs.

If I lived in Laguna Beach, my wardrobe would be totally different. I'd have unique dresses bought on a whim from the local shops (because I'd also be quite rich if I lived there--even the used-car lots showcase Maseratis). I would elevate window shopping to a new level. The rich fabrics would drape beautifully around my fabulously healthy body. My underwear would involve lace and luscious colors.

If I live in Laguna Beach, my hair would grow ten inches but I'd have it cut tres chic. And donate the excess to Locks of Love.

If I lived in Laguna Beach, part of every day would be devoted to painting and sketching. It would be unavoidable; I'd be so overwhelmed by the beauty around me each day that I couldn't resist the inspiration. I'd be on a first-name basis with every artisan at the Sawdust Festival and would have performed in The Pageant at least once.

If I lived in Laguna Beach, I'd have a tiny cottage overgrown with Heavenly Blue morning glories and Barbara Karst bougainvillea. It would have blue window frames and brick walks and a picket fence that needed painting. Vegetables would grow amidst the flowers. I'd breakfast on the patio with the morning paper and dinner would be accompanied by the distant view of a silver ocean and candlelight.

If I lived in Laguna Beach, my dog would love her doggy friends at the dog park in the canyon. And she'd probably have a little sister adopted from the cutest dog pound in the West.

If I lived in Laguna Beach, my stress levels would plumment and I'd smile more. Yeah, I love Laguna.

Okay, (deep cleansing breath) it feels good to get that out after my recent visit there. We now return you to my regularly scheduled life.